Gee.gi

Waiting

I have been, as usual, busy with work.

Feeling the heat, feeling the stress.

I am waiting for my dad to come home so I could discuss some matters with him.

Meanwhile, wish me luck, happiness, and lack of stress!

Just like how the voters are tired of hearing the same thing over and over again without any changes.

I am too.

And this time, it’s just even more ridiculous with some of the things I hear.

Communication is key, many say.

But you can only communicate when you listen with an open mind, not with a closed one, and then say something that is totally off-the-mark.

Hey, I need a break from this.

I need to for once, be able to say what I feel without fear of backlash.

If I cannot, I want to be able to take breaks and excuse myself one in a while and not be blamed for it.

Once in a while, I hope that someone realises that I also try to do my part and allow me to take a break once in a while.

I also hope that when I do articulate that I try, I get a “oh thanks” rather than “you could have told me, I am more reasonable than that.”

I need someone to realise that me taking a break just allows me to recharge.

I need someone to listen.

And to understand.

And not me having to repeat myself over and over again.

Or try to put his point across when I am gently making mine.

You don’t need to make your point heard.

I know yoru point without you even telling me.

My question is, did you even realise it?

I am really utterly spent and tired.

Life’s tough, I do not need this to make it even thougher.

The decision is tough.

But once again, I do not think I will make the wrong decision.

Need to focus on work.

In Case You Were Wondering

I am not dead, just very very very busy with work.

I am sitting here, at 2am, typing this entry, wide awake.

My closet vampire self is back. I do work better at night - just like how I was in school.

Needless to say, it’s true that people who lack sleep eat more. I am one of them and I am munching on something now.

I really haven’t had the time to do anything.

I haven’t even had the time to exercise or to read the usual blogs that I read every morning.

Come weekends, I am so busy with stuff, I don’t get to read anything at all.

So I am sorry if I have been totally MIA.

Today, my friend waited 2 hours for me to rush off work, to meet for a while, and I came home to continue with work.

Of course, I wasn’t quite produtive tonight. I was in some whatsapp war with the boyfriend. So things got delayed a bit.

Nothing out of this world, just another one of my “i don’t want to get married” rants 

I then moved on to the “having kids is a life sentence” rant.

Typical.

There was a day when I told my boss “I am glad that I actually have a boyfriend. Can you imagine my hours now and I am single?”

For a long while I had expected to be single, not only because of my working hours but also because of the person that I am.

But there are times like tonight that I am actually thankful that I have someone in my life who takes a whole load of crap from me, including me freaking out about getting married.

This, by the way, happens once every 2 weeks or so.

It’s so tiring I know, I can’t help it.

I am honestly, just scared.

Alright time for bed.

Not sure if I could wake up for yoga tomorrow but we shall see.

It’s another uphill battle this weekend and another crazy week next week.

Again and Again, It’s Been Long

There are moments in my life that I ask myself how I get through all of these, but I get through them anyway.

At times, I do sit and wonder if it’s going to be much worse as life goes on and I have many more responsibilities in life.

But like they say, women are natural multi-taskers, although some are definitely better than others.

The wedding preparations are stressing me out. For a person who is an unrealistic perfectionist (not that I could help it, though I am aware of it), things just get alot more difficult.

I have had nightmares of my wedding being held in some nondescript diner looking place where 2 people sit in a booth and some other weird things happening. Not fun being in that dream because I remember feeling aghast at the idea of getting married like that.

One thing I have to be thankful about is that the stress comes solely from myself. Thankfully, I do not need to strave myself to death for things that I want or fight tooth and nail with Robert to make sure I get what I like.

I haven’t even used the crying card yet.

That being said, I really should have cried when we picked out our wedding rings.

Other than the ring and the fact that I promised to wear a more bridal looking gown, it’s largely been exactly how I had wanted.

The only thing I have given up is the customised wedding cards but that I can live with (or at least I try not to browse wedding cards online).

Did I already say I feel blessed?

I do, so I don’t know what I am stressing about.

Talking about that, I need to call a vendor soon, I am jittery that she has not replied to my mail!

It’s Over, Whether You Are Happy Or Not, Let’s Please Move On

I stayed up till 3am last night, missed my night with the bf, and am now nursing a headache just to watch the election results.

I honestly cannot say I am not sad that Minister George Yeo got voted out. As I have always advocated, may the strongest person win. We all respect the votes of the people but we cannot help but feel sad.

As one of my friend aptly pointed out “I thought the people wanted a Minister who listens?”

This is one election that I have been extremely involved in and am very emotional about. How do I feel?

1) The PAP needs to improve themselves

I think that there were quite a few oversights on the part of the ruling party. From the way the engage the people, to the way they present themselves, to the people they fielded.

All these need to be thought through.

Even the GRC system (really to ensure minority representation?), the redrawing of the election boundaries (why?), the upgrading issue (upgrading should be for all but will people appreciate?), and the ministerial pay (is that needed?).

2) This whole election is really just about Aljunied

Everyone’s very happy that history has been made.

I agree.

I think everyone was counting on the Aljunied voters to make a wise choice and send a strong signal to the government.

I think they have.

However, I am mourning the loss of 2 ministers and I do not want to say too quickly that it’s no big deal and they can do something else or their 2nd in line can take over.

Even at work, I cannot say for sure if I can function as well taking over my boss when I am not ready. But that’s just me.

I also wonder about investor sentiments with regards to this.

Different groups of people view this differently and I think we need to consider all points of view.

3) Stop analysing the results

Yes, the PAP won about 60% of the overall votes but 93% of the seats. Can we stop analysing it and complaining?

The whole crux of this fight is whether Aljunied is won by WP or not.

Well it has been, 2 ministers, 1 office holder, and 1 touted to be future cabinet minister has been voted out.

I think everyone’s happy to see the giant fall especially when they have this feeling that the giant has been arrogant.

Well I acknowledged it happens in real life too.

Well, you have gotten what you wanted but are we winning or losing in general as a nation?

Can we stop complaining already that some people are still there and you don’t want them in?

Well, everyone voted (except for Tanjong Pagar) right? You guys had a say and thus some people you do not like are going to be MPs while some others you like are not.

Flaw of the GRC system and this time, it’s certainly not exactly in PAP’s favour.

Put PAP aside, I am not even sure if it’s a situation that is good for our nation.

4) I like that social media was being used but hell, there was alot of noise

Unfortunately for me, for most part of the campaigning, the only times I actually was able to have a good discussion about the various topics we are all so angry about was when I had face to face conversations with my friends.

All these noise were everywhere on how they support which party and how angry they were about so many issues. All these pro opposition stance…. my biggest takeaway was just the anger.

I was looking to have a neutral and objective voice but all I heard was just how lousy the government was.

Even as a mere person, we have redeeming factors. We need to acknowledge that.

How could I have made a more informed decision like that?

That being said, I enjoyed my conversations with my friends at work who provided me with a balanced point of view.

I also had a good discussion about the inflation issue with the bf who told me to read “The Age of Turbulance” and warned me against populist policies which sent Argentina into a hyper inflation.

As I have mentioned, I studied Economics in school and we often compare Economic models and I think I missed that.

I want to compare different political models, different social models but I think that’s sorely lacking in that area and everyone’s angry.

Inflation is everywhere and hitting everyone, Vietnam is facing 12% inflation and I can bet with you, their salaries are not rising 12% or more.

5) Stop complaining, please

Things will never go our way or be perfect. Let’s just put aside all these unhappiness and move on to bigger issues in our lives.

Let’s look at how we can improve this situation to make it a better one.

Let’s not look at the situation now and complain about how little we have or how it sucks but let’s learn from those who managed to avert lousy situations on their own.

Housing is expensive but I know people who can afford 2 houses - I want to learn from them and try to be like them.

So glad the election is over. I think I really had an overdose of negativity it’s  really getting to me.

You And I Are Hypocrites

*After much thought, I decided to post this. I am not attacking any of my friends so I hope nobody takes offense to this. I am considering if I should post this on my FB too* 

I am glad that it is polling day tomorrow and that all these will end. I am sick and tired of all these bashing and personal attacks.

I am also sick and tired of various parties trying to stir up emotion.

More importantly, I am sick and tired of the complaining and whining and I thought to myself “goodness, I must be equally annoying when I complain!”

You and I are hypocrites.

I am not trying to promote any political party here but I think mostly we are ruled by our emotions and this unhappiness that seems so entrenched, it’s actually scaring me at times.

As many people have pointed out, we are all unhappy about something. When I take the train home, I feel irritated that it’s so crowded, when I order my food and I cannot really express myself in Mandarin I feel this immense frustration, and the list goes on.

I recognise that there are a group of people who are at the bottom rungs of this society and have to grapple with a lot more issues than the average Singaporean does, life is really tough for them. That’s another discussion topic for another day.

But for the rest of us…… seriously, is life that bad?

We say we want change but have we changed the way about how we view the world, and more importantly have we changed the way we view our lives?

Life is challenging, it’s not bad.

Bad is when your country is eschewed in a war or acts of domestic violence.

Bad is when you get raped by some random man and when you go to your local police and he rapes you too.

We read this in the papers and books but we always think it’s too far away for us to care about.

Yes, life is indeed challenging but it’s challenging everywhere, not only in Singapore.

People complain that the foreigners are taking their jobs away because they are cheaper. I think the argument for and against it is boring many (including me) to death.

Let me put forth another perspective to you.

Putting other things aside, some of the foreigners I have met are seriously more hardworking than the locals. They may have a language issue or they may have a different accent but they are definitely more eager and more competitive.

 My father related to me that his young colleague in China who is my age, stood 17 hours in the train to go back to her hometown to visit her parents because the trains were so full. He told me that he told his colleague “my daughter has much to learn.”

What would you do if you had to do that? Complain on Twitter? Post some photo on FB on how crowded the train is? Blame the Government for not having enough trains so you can sit during the 17 hours?

Before we dismiss this as a one off incident, I think we need to look deeper that our competition is not the foreign talent. The competition is ourselves. Many of these people have this single-mindedness to succeed but you and I suffer from a mentality that “certain things are beneath us”.

Nevermind that my boss asked me to travel one hour back to the office to switch off my computer because I forgot (also true story in China), I will do it anyway. Some people may say that the person is mad. I say that this person is building his character.

The crux of the issue is not about whether I support foreign talent or not. It is the fact that I think we (myself included) are hypocritical.

We talk about wanting to help the poor, not leaving them behind but we expect the Government to do it. We expect policies to help them.

Sure I support that too but I would also like to ask the more important question.

What are YOU doing to help?

Have you signed up with any organisations to distribute food to the needy?

Have you ever donated your CNY money to buying essentials for the less well-off?

Are you volunteering at a centre to teach needy kids to ensure they break out of the poverty cycle?

Well you may not be able to change the world but do you not think it’s hypocritical when you complain the Government has left people behind but you have not done your bit to do anything for someone at all?

People complain that we have pursued economic growth and have become “cold, soul-less people” but yet I am sure they are the same ones who complain that their salaries are not moving fast enough.

People complain that houses are too expensive for them to afford and that a 30 year mortgage will eat into their retirement funds or that they cannot afford a house at all.

Yes I also complain that the houses are expensive, it’s ridiculously expensive. However, I am also reminded of the fact that my peers my age in another country rent a room in the city where they work. They are citizens of their country and they rent a room, they do not own a home.

If that happens to you, how would you feel?

My friends in another country do not even have public transport to complain about. They ride their motorbikes and scooters to work and trust me, it’s crappy when it’s extremely hot or when it rains.

Now when I put that into perspective, I really feel quite ashamed that I have been complaining so much.

We complain that the ruling party is not playing a fair game. Yes but seriously if the ruling party were some other party other than the men in white, do you not they think will also tilt the situation in their favour?

Let’s face it, Darwinism exists for a reason, nothing is ever fair because there will always be someone who is stronger and someone who is weaker. The fact that I have wavy hair and I am 1.62m while Heidi Klum looks the way she does is also not fair.

Do you play a fair game at work? Do you not try to get along with your colleagues, your bosses, assimilate into the culture of your company? Do you not alter your behaviour ever so slightly during performance review? For those of you who say no, well good for you. But in general, it’s not fair because at some level, you are also playing a game.

Even at a personal level, do you not make use of your personal relationships to ask for favours? Do you not dress well to leave a good impression? Are you not trying to tilt the situation in your favour? When you buy or sell something, do you not use your bargaining power to get what you want?

Are we not all hypocrites? Who are we to ask for fairness when we are not fair people ourselves?

We get to vote, some countries don’t even allow voting – now is that fair?  

Yes, we definitely need to improve certain policies.

Yes, we definitely need to extend our help to those who are left behind.

Yes, some (not all) people running for the election need to be less arrogant.

Yes, the voices of the young should be heard.

I am not trying to swing votes (I don’t have the influence) and I am not interested in discussing policies here (so please don’t bombard me with that).

While I feel angry, frustrated, irritated over things in life just like you, I also feel unsettled by all these negativity that is surrounding me.

I am not an eternal optimist but since we have advocated for “checks and balances” I think we should first apply it to ourselves.

If you feel that your life sucks, maybe it’s not your life. Maybe it’s just your attitude.